Soaring Hearts

                                           Is your heart a torch?

An Unlived Life

I will not die an unlived life.

I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.

I choose to inhabit my days to allow my living to open me,

To make me less afraid, more accessible,

To loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance;

To live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom,

And that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.

â?? Dawna Markova

Isn‘t this an incredible poem?  I have many “favorite lines” in this piece and at the top of the list is “I choose to inhabit my days to allow my living to open me”.

There is so much power in that choice and in remembering that I am the chooser.  I can either inhabit my days in a way that has my living harden me and grow more disillusioned, bitter and closed with each passing day. ..or I can be alive in a way that opens me and leaves me expanded, evolved and nourished by the circumstances of my life.

I notice that the older someone gets the more obvious the choice.  Some have grown hard and closed with the living and others. ..well, oh my my.  The light just pours out of them and nourishes all they touch.

It is not the big moments that shape our lives.  It is the moment by moment, day by day choices we make about how to respond to the circumstances of life and the incredible challenge of being a spiritual being in a human experience.  We mold and shape our lives by regular practice; by the willingness to do our best, to fail, to recover.

That‘s my prayer today; to be in conscious choice. ..to practice inhabiting each moment of this precious life in a way that opens me and nourishes and grows the life around me.

The Remarkable Dr. Seuss

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don‘t matter and those who matter don‘t mind.” Dr. Seuss.

You gotta love Dr. Seuss. I find wisdom in everything I‘ve read by Dr. Seuss both as a child (little snippets and wise affirmations stored in my memory) and as an adult.

For those of you who have done CTI‘s coaching curriculum, you‘ll recall that we often use “Oh The Places You‘ll Go” by Dr Seuss to emphasize certain principles. I do love that a Dr. Seuss book is one of the key texts in our coaching curriculum. For me it demonstrates our belief that learning should be fun and interesting as well as deep and profound.

Here at CTI, we‘ve built a whole body of work around the idea of being who you are and saying what you feel. As I travel about, I find that people everywhere are so longing for that, so hungry for something that is authentic and real.

So many of us have been “domesticated” and taught to look outside ourselves for validations, for what is “appropriate”  to be, do and say. It‘s quite a radical act of courage to reclaim the truth of our own hearts and to be who we are and say what we feel.

I appreciate the gentle reminder that those who matter to me will have room for my authentic self and indeed will likely celebrate it. And those who don‘t have room for me actually don‘t matter all that much to me anyway.

Thank you Dr. Seuss.
KKH

Live Like You Were Dying

I came across this song by Tim McGraw on YouTube the other day. Not being all that much up on Country Western music, it was the first time I heard it, though I knew of McGraw from his brilliant acting turn as the husband in the movie “The Blind Side.”

Evidently, McGraw wrote the song in honor of his father Tug McGraw who died of a brain tumor in 2004. Tug was a relief pitcher for the Phillies through the 70s and 80s and took them to victory in the 1980 World Series by pitching the final out.

I found the song to very moving and inspiring. What touched me most, however, were the comments that people had posted about the song.

I usually don‘t read comments posted on YouTube because I find the level of the conversation is frequently. . . ummm. . . disheartening. However I was curious about what people might say in response to McGraw‘s song and so took a few moments to scroll through. I‘m glad I did.

Some wrote about the importance of living fully and challenging themselves to reach. Many others wrote about those they had loved and lost to illness and how much these people had touched their lives.

I found one post to be particularly inspiring. It appears to be from someone named Kada who is 15 years old. Here‘s what Kada had to say:

“I love this song. It doesn‘t say to go and live life by getting drunk or partying hard it says to live like you were dying, to do stuff you wouldn‘t do regularly! I am 15 and all my friend are always partying and I don‘t go because I love to be outdoors, just do stuff that is fun! I lost my uncle this winter to skin cancer. He was the type of man who was a farmer and a family man. He was the greatest man I know, he was only 62. But he lived like he was dying everyday…i miss You Uncle Kenny.”

Now I have never met Kada and I‘m quite certain that she doesn‘t know me. Still, we are connected both through the wonders of technology and our shared membership in the community of humankind. I feel moved to write back to her, here on the Transforum blog. Although I doubt she will ever read my words, I hope that my blessings will reach her in a universal way.

Lovely Kada:
Thank you for inspiring me this morning. Your Uncle Kenny sounds like an amazing man and he was fortunate to be so well loved by a niece like you. Keep following your heart and doing what makes sense to you. Blessings to you on your journey dear one.

Love,
Karen

The Power of Championing

I had an amazing yoga class tonight. I‘ve practiced yoga on and off for years, with great love, limited skill and irregular attention.

I‘ve learned a lot from yoga, they key thing being the distinction between “striving” (running over the top of the moment to reach some future objective) and “challenge,” which blossoms in the moment.

Now, I would not make the cover of Yoga Journal under any circumstances. I‘m strong and somewhat squarishly built, with short compact muscles and not all that much flexibility. I‘ll admit with no shame to a time when I looked with envy upon those magical yoginis of the willowy limbs and the flexible spines. How I longed to be able to bend my tight, western body into that shape or to be able to execute THAT pose with grace and ease.

Green pepper in Dhanurasana ~ by Food Stylist and Chef, Amy Whelan

I‘ve learned over time to be present with myself and to engage in my own personal practice, bringing whatever I have to the mat and engaging fully with the present moment. This brought me a lot more joy and tremendous relief from the neck tension I was getting from trying to look around to get a gander at everyone else in the class. Hooray for me.

Tonight however, well, tonight was DIFFERENT.

A new teacher, not particularly elegant or willowy or inspiring to look at. And yet the class was truly transformative.

First of all, this instructor was incredibly generous with her corrections, both verbally and hands on–a steady flow of incredibly helpful and very specific pointing, sometimes delivered generally and sometimes personally. (I‘m not exactly clear when this woman learned my NAME. She asked once before the class began and that was that.) She held a clear assumption for all in the class that we weren‘t just there to take up space or to show off our nifty yoga togs. She was absolutely certain we were there to expand, to evolve.

All of this correction was delivered so enthusiastically: ”Okay everyone, TUCK your tailbone UNDER. . . further. . .further. . .terrific!” Or “Karen, turn your hands out just slightly in Down Dog to make more room for your shoulders. No, too far, a little less. . .PERFECT”. Her touch was so clear and firm and loving that I felt my heart leaping towards where she was pointing, felt the whole of my being unfurl and light up in response to her vision. All of this correction was sprinkled liberally with the most amazing positive affirmation. “That pose looks BEAUTIFUL. Great job EVERYONE. What a magnificent triangle pose, Karen. Truly LOVELY”. And so on.

As the class progressed, I came to realize that she was not teaching me, she was teaching INTO me. Into some future potential of me. She had all the space in the world for any physical limitation and would take the time to offer adjustments, props, whatever was needed and yet it became clear that when she looked at me, she did not see a middle aged woman with some extra weight and an incredibly tight shoulders. This woman saw and was teaching to. . .my INNER YOGINI!!!!

Wow! Suddenly the space both inside and outside of me expanded. I felt light. I felt grateful. I felt INCREDIBLE. I found myself reaching, reaching into poses where I‘d become complacent without even realizing it. Not striving as I had in the past. I was fully present and connected to my body and my breath. And I was inspired, not by what I saw in the TEACHER, but by what she had me see in myself. Holy yoga mat, Batman. It was an incredible experience and you can bet your latest Rodney Yee DVD that I will be going BACK.

As I was driving home from class, feeling alive and delicious and quite full of myself, quite in love with “my inner yogini”, I was struck by how similar my experience was to what our clients must feel when we champion them.

I think we probably have no idea of the impact our love has on our clients, the space created by our unfettered BELIEF in them. How magical it is to coach from connection and commitment to our client‘s wisest, most alive, most evolved selves. It‘s incredibly empowering and enlivening. It‘s not about US at all. Instead it is about our clients and our willingness to have room for their limitations and coach always that magnificent one. . .that inner yogini.

People ask me sometimes, “Yes, but what‘s the VALUE of Co-Active Coaching? Of working with a Co-Active Coach? I mean, who really needs it?”

Well, in my mind, it‘s the difference between living life from the kind of yoga that I‘ve been practicing and the experience I had tonight which was truly transformational. We only have this one life. Wouldn‘t we want to invest ourselves and our resources in a coach who will empower and support and CHAMPION our best selves? Our go for the gold, championship, reach for the stars, inner yogini selves??

The answer is clear to me. Gotta run. I need to re-arrange my schedule so I can fit in some more of that Magic, Co-Active Yoga!
KKH

Tin Cans

During my recent retreat our teachers talked with us about old, limiting beliefs and how we tended to drag them around behind us like a string of old rusty tin cans.

They then dumped a bunch of tin cans in the middle of our circle and gave each of a length of twine and four of the cans, each with a hold punched in the middle.

Our assignment was to spend the afternoon on our own, looking enthusiastically for beliefs that kept us separate and held us back. For the duration of the afternoon, we were to drag the tin cans behind us, tied to one ankle with twine.

Now, I‘ve done a fair amount of personal work and I really do KNOW that limiting beliefs hold me back.

However THIS afternoon, I was quite inspired by the power of metaphor and the way in which making something tangible really brings it home.

What limiting beliefs can you discard?

As the afternoon progressed, it became completely clear to me how foolish it was to cling to these old beliefs. I saw how much they held me back from going where I wanted to go and how much time and energy the drained from me.

My twine kept breaking, necessitating all manner of creative repair work, which solidly brought home how much time and energy I spend caring for and maintaining these beliefs. The afternoon was hilarious and tragic at the same time.

At the end of the assignment, I was quite ready to let go of several of the beliefs that keep me feeling separate from the magic and power of life.

We all have these kinds of beliefs that we drag around after us like rattling old tin cans and we all spend all manner of time validating, justifying and caring for these beliefs. What‘s a rusty tin can you have been dragging around behind you? Are you ready to cut the twine and let it go?
KKH

Time with Mother Earth

I‘ve just returned from eleven days in New Mexico for the first retreat of a program called the Black Lodge. Of course for tax purposes this program definitely qualifies as Professional Development and I‘m completely clear that program is about my own personal and spiritual growth and development.

Desert scrub and red earth dust.

About 80% of this time was spent out of doors, which is a BIG perspective shifter, let me tell you. As I was unpacking my bag this morning, I was bathed in good, red earth and the healing smell of a wood fire. It brought back memories of simple meals shared around a communal campfire; of robust, wildly curious conversations and long afternoons spent alone in contemplation on a ledge overlooking a beautiful canyon.

I am shaped by these days like the river has shaped the canyon. I am grown like the fierce pinyon trees reaching out their sturdy roots towards life. I feel as limitless as the wind and as filled with possibility as the morning sunrise. It was a Good Eleven Days!

I was reminded over and over again of the beauty of the work of CTI, of the depth and resonance of our Co-Active Coaching Model, and of the grace of coaching itself.

There is a depth and an intimacy to coaching that is incredibly life affirming and very, very healing. What do you love most about the intimacy of coaching?
KKH