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On Marriage
May 20th (the day that I am writing this post) is my 15th wedding anniversary. Yep, it‘s been 15 years since I waltzed out into the sunshine at the top of a mountain and said “You Bet I Do”.
I was 41 years old as was my husband and neither of us had ever been married. The wedding was titled “The Miracle Wedding” by both our families as everyone on both sides had long ago become resigned to the fact that neither of us would ever be wed as we were each too much of a pain in the ass for someone to live with for very long.
When I fell in love, I felt taking out a spot on national TV, “Women of America. There is hope for you all. Karen Kimsey is in a SUCESSFUL relationship!!!” Given my track record it was indeed a “miracle”.
All my life, I had been told by that I was just TOO. Too Intense. Too Emotional. Way Too Much To Handle. Beginning with my genteel southern bell of a momma and cycling through any number and variety of men, folks had been telling me to sky down and learn to be more demure since I could TALK.
And then I met Henry. He listened to me as if it mattered. Questioned deeply into what I said. Flatly refused to accept anything less than my most authentic self. Challenged me to stretch, to grow, to reach into more authenticity, intimacy and responsibility in my life. For 15 years now, no matter how searing, how difficult or how confronting, my beautiful husband has demonstrated over and over again his willingness to stay in the conversation. To look deeply at his own patterns and to insist that I look at mine. He‘s challenged himself to grow and become more open, more gentle, more loving. What a gift it is to be married to someone who is really and truly willing to show up and to do the work of intimacy.
It‘s been a heck of a ride. Ours is just not a “quiet” kind of love. Our marriage is sometimes intense and often challenging. There is love, passion, anger and everything else in between. It might not be the right thing for someone else and it is a great fit for me…a river wide enough and diverse enough for me to splash, dive, swim under water with my eyes open, jump off of cliffs and generally make a big ruckus.
We human beings come in all different shapes and sizes and with all kinds of different scripts and needs already programmed. It truly is a miracle when we can find our way to one other and build a life together of aliveness and joy. I am most blessed.
KKH
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