Impeccability—Our Natural State of Being

As a course leader for The Coaches Training Institute, Sam House travels globally to train individuals in the Co-active Leadership Model and the Co-active Coaching Model. As co-founder of Polarity Pathways, Sam coaches people and offers workshops emphasizing conscious awareness of emerging polarities in all situations. Sam is a Master Certified Coach and engages executives, professionals, and teams in the process of creating richness and meaning while reaching excellence.

I was speaking with my wife, Heather, recently and our conversation drifted to the notion of Impeccability. In our relationship of almost 27 years, we have had times when we have enjoyed the fruits of being impeccable—to ourselves, to each other, and to the relationship. During those times of high impeccability, whether in moments of smooth sailing or great challenge, we have come through robustly and intact. We have also had times where we have been decidedly NOT impeccable. The costs to each of us and to our relationship have been much greater during times of low impeccability.

What does it mean to BE impeccable? Impeccability is a state of being and not a state of doing. “Be impeccable with your word.” This is the first agreement in the important book “The Four Agreements”, by Don Miguel Ruiz. The teachers I am currently studying with, in the high desert of New Mexico, go further. Their teaching goes: “Be impeccable in thought, word, AND deed.” Thought precedes the language of words; our words come before our actions. But it always begins with a thought.

As a state of being, impeccability is something that is already always there. To “BE” means to exist. The existence—and therefore the availability—of a state of impeccability is readily at hand. It is ever present and always in place. Hence, there is no action that is needed to MAKE impeccability happen.

When I am grounded in impeccability, I find it easy to keep my word. There is a natural flow and a beautiful congruence between my thoughts, words, and actions. I notice that my inner judge, or saboteur, is quiet when I stand in true impeccability.

And yet, my inner judge may attempt to APPEAR in the guise of impeccability, saying for example, “If you had more self-discipline, Sam, you would be more impeccable. You wouldn’t be late, you would be exercising and eating better, and your place would look perfect!” Now, while this statement may at times be true, since it does not come from a life-affirming place, it does not represent impeccability. Instead, the statement is life diminishing. Its intention is to bring me down and instill a sense that I am wrong, or bad. I am struck by how often we experience this voice, often disguised as a voice of impeccability.

As humans, we are different from other animals, trees, stones, water, etc. We are imbued with a CONSCIOUS mind—an ego—and our minds’ own WILL to think, feel, and do things that are either life affirming or life diminishing. Whether life affirming or life diminishing, we use our will to CHOOSE. A rabbit does not say, “I choose to run away from that fox.” It just runs. A tree does not say, “Today, I choose to accept rain through my roots and leaves.” It just does. There is a natural, life-affirming way of being in these examples. Life unfolds naturally and effortlessly. This natural way of being is what it means to be impeccable.

As humans, we often choose a thought that does not serve the highest good of the person; we speak words that diminish the well being of the self or others. And we engage in actions that do not—as opposed to the tree that unhesitatingly grows towards the sun—naturally serve our best interests. We have not accessed a state of impeccability.

I believe that our biggest task as humans is to employ our WILL—over and over—to be, like the trees and the animals, impeccable. Since this is a state that is always present, always available to us, we need only remember to pay attention to this state of being. Remembering is key. There is nothing complicated that must be worked on in order to someday arrive at a place of impeccability. It is available to us right now.

How do we remember?

To me, the key is to awaken to, and ask, the following question 100 or 1000 different ways: “Is this life affirming or is it life diminishing?” Is this thought that I am having life affirming or life diminishing? Are my words life affirming or life diminishing? Is this action that I am taking life affirming or life diminishing? This question is like a needle, which always points to True North on the compass of our lives. It is a structure that easily reminds us of what is most important. From there, impeccability becomes a naturally realized state.