Learning to be Co-Active Starts Inside of Us

by Leslie Stein

My life changed the moment I decided to become a Co-Active Coach. I’d already had a coach for nearly 11 years when I began my training, so I knew the value of coaching. It was adding the Co-Active piece that changed my life.

Co-Activity isn’t only about being in a coach/client type of partnership. It is so, SO much more than that! Every day we are in a Co-Active dance with everyone and everything around us. And…everything inside of us.

Following my coach training, I attended the Co-Active Leadership program where this awareness really came to life for me. The program is brilliantly divided into four weeklong retreats, each focused on a different part of life’s Co-Active dance: Creating from Self, Creating from Other, Creating from Nothing and Creating from Everything.

A penny Leslie Stein found for her Penny Project

Realizing that I must partner with myself before I can fully partner with anyone else was a powerful “a-ha”.  I needed to be more Co-Active with me. But what would that be like?

Although I felt clueless how this might look in some areas, I realized I was already my own best partner in one very distinct aspect of my life. It’s called The Penny Project and it began in my own mind from a question of idle curiosity: How much money could I find on the ground in a year? It grew into something way bigger than I could have imagined: A website, being featured as a “penny expert” in a documentary, and over $3,000 found/donated by friends, family and acquaintances who wanted to be part of something bigger. I was (and still am) floored by the incredible connections, conversations and meaning I find by continuing to pick up pennies and share my stories.

So what makes something so random and seemingly only important on a personal level, attractive to other people?  What makes something irresistible to talk about, laugh about, and participate in because it strikes a chord deep within us?

I find it hard to answer such questions on what I call a “$20 bill scale” (what does the world think?). So I had to look at it from the “penny perspective” (what makes discovering a penny enjoyable…for me?). Here are the things that make me keep searching for pennies, day after day, no matter the weather, my mood, or what other people think:

• It’s unexpected…a joyful surprise. Who knows where, when, or even if I’ll find one? But when I do…giddiness and a happy dance ensues!
• It’s something small…but worth celebrating. Hey – it’s free money!
• It helps me appreciate the little things. I found $32.85 that first year…mostly in pennies and small change. What other little things might I be overlooking in my life that could add up to “richness”?
• It clarifies my purpose. Ever find yourself wanting something so badly you’re willing to crawl on a bus floor to get it? Well…I went there for pennies! When I want something that badly, I know it’s part of my purpose!
• It helps me set clear intentions instead of being trapped in limiting expectations (I can’t control or expect to find a penny in a particular place or at a particular time…but I can set a clear intention  and remain open to the possibilities…whatever they look like!)
  

  Leslie Stein

I had to be in good relationship with me to find these answers. I had to Co-Actively create from myself. Once I knew what I loved so damn much about picking up pennies…it was easy to connect with others who also want joy, celebration and purpose in their lives. And when we connect on that level, magic happens.

So when you find yourself frustrated, lost or feeling disconnected, check to see if you’ve lost sight of your own “penny perspective.”  Get Co-Active with you. What makes this (insert project/relationship/event) so important to you? If you’re able to answer that question – to reconnect with yourself about its importance – my guess is you’ll be able to reconnect with others more easily too.

But that’s just my 2 cents. What’s yours?

Leslie Stein is a facilitator, speaker and life enthusiast. She works with corporations, teams and individuals to help them find their way…their voice…their own penny perspective. She never met a penny story she didn’t like…and would love to hear your 2 cents (on whatever lights you up)! Leslie is reachable at leslie@the-penny-project.com or at http://the-penny-project.com/.

Teargas transformations

by Bushra Winter, CPCC

Today I am sitting in a cafe on a street which, exactly one year ago, was lined with tanks. As most people know, life in the Middle East over the last year has been volatile. And as an expatriate living on a tiny island in the Gulf I now have experienced this firsthand.

I am half English, half American, and have a very international background; I have seen enough in my life to believe that not much could faze me. I am a deeply passionate, vibrant, loving, optimistic, spiritual, practical, people- and beauty-loving woman. I have a huge belief in the innate goodness of humanity and the Universe. That said, all of those beliefs and the very fiber of my being was challenged over the past year. As I write this, I feel the tears welling up behind my eyes.

As a Co-Active life coach, I know all about the hard-to-be-with places, emotions, situations and perspectives that show up in my client’s lives. What CTI calls “Process” is a fundamentally important and valuable part of the Co-Active Model. When we name and stay fully present to what is showing up in this moment with our client, and in their lives, our clients are able to move through and out the other side of sticky situations and emotions, allowing them to move on to a new place of learning and action. Process also shows up importantly in the idea that we fully and wholeheartedly trust our client’s life and learning process. We are only a part of it, and it started before us, and will continue after their work with us is done. All that said, it was not until I spent the last year deep in my own personal process that I truly understood its world-altering power.

You have probably heard it referred to as the Arab Spring, which, for many people, will be an idea of something that is happening far away. But for me, it was right outside my house. One day normal, next day there were army helicopters hovering overhead, shouting, shooting, and teargas everywhere. Our children were stuck in the house, and we spent most of our hours following twitter and Facebook trying to find out what was happening right outside on our doorstep. This meant also having to open our ears, eyes and hearts to the ugliness, fear, anger and separation transforming many of the people around us.

It was as if darkness rolled over this beautiful island and enveloped people’s hearts, words, and actions like the clouds of teargas that filled the street. I felt a huge loss of belief in humanity and the true nature of people. For me personally, this was like losing the belief that the sun would come up in the morning and took me very far from my natural state and core values. It threw me deep into a state of “Process”.

As destiny would have it after more than six years of coaching, I happened to be in the completion stages of the CTI Certification program at this time. I had every reason in the world to cancel my clients and even get extensions on my certification work. But every time I stepped into the coaching space of unlimited possibility and freedom from circumstances with my clients, it was like a life-saving injection for me.

There were many times when I could not rely on my naturally optimistic and joyful default. This was something I had to simply accept and be with, which left me holding onto the Co-Active Model for dear life. I had to rely on the universal truths that the model was built on in order to be 100% with my clients. This I see was an immense gift and truly transformed my coaching: Less of me and way more of my client in the coaching sessions!  

I remember sitting with one client who is a local and was personally impacted by the political situation, and things like checkpoints, wide-spread arrests and martial law. She was feeling trapped, terrified and was truly facing outer restriction, a situation which could only be experienced in the moment as hopeless.

Bushra Winter

To me this was the ultimate test of the Co-Active Model. It is one thing to tell a wealthy person in a conflict-free society that anything is possible and help them be “at choice”. But it was in this real place of pain, loss and fear that I saw my client take charge of the only thing she had in her power to choose — her perspective and who she was in the face of her challenges. She chose to use the outer restriction as a time to plan and grow herself. These choices and the “Process” work we did together supported her through the time of pain and loss and led to amazing changes in her career and life, which in that moment of hopelessness, seemed completely impossible.

My own personal process took an upturn when I realized that I was angry at the darkness for being Dark. I smile when I think of the simplicity of this realization because I know in my brain that we need darkness to be able perceive light and that darkness is only the absence of light. This simple awareness led me to the idea of the night sky and how each star provides an invaluable service of shining, giving light and direction even in the darkest of nights. I realized that, as Co-Active coaches, our job is to support our clients in burning brighter and stronger. None of us can change the darkness, but we can all turn up our light.

Bushra Winter comes from a large family of health, personal and community development professionals. Her core belief is that people don’t need to change but be themselves more skillfully. She is passionate about experiential learning and training, and specializes in training clients to use coaching skills to impact their profession, audience, relationships and communities as a whole. She may be reached at http://facebook.com/myimpactcoaching or  myimpactcoach@yahoo.com.

Like learning to ride a bike

by Randy Fernandes, CPCC, ACC

After coaching for more than six years, I finally found an analogy that effectively clarifies the difference between working with a coach and working with a consultant, therapist, mentor or advisor – learning to ride a bike. Here’s how each role might approach the challenge:

The Advisor meets with you, listens to your concerns and verifies your lack of bike riding skills is the real challenge (just in case you needed the justification). They research this challenge based upon their experience with riding bicycles (because their experience is best) and provides you with several options on how to learn to ride a bicycle depending upon the type of bicycle you choose. Then, the advisor provides these options to you in writing (if you have time to wait and enjoy paying a premium) or orally (if you want to take notes and pray you get it right the first time). You choose an option and move forward without looking back.

The Consultant takes the bicycle that you provide and figures out how to ride it. When they determine how to ride that bicycle, they create a slick professional report for you in a pretty binder complete with a table of contents, a colorful introduction page, detailed step-by-step instructions on how to ride the bicycle and a long bio about themselves at the end to remind you of their greatness. You read the instructions and contact the great consultant if you have any questions.

The Mentor takes your bicycle and shows you how to ride it the same way they learned how to ride their bicycle, because their way of learning is the “right” way. Next, they ride their own bike alongside you struggling to ride your bike, telling you what to do and informing you when you’re doing it “wrong”. The mentor continues this process until you are able to ride the bicycle all by yourself.

The Therapist will have you approach the bicycle, then stand back, notice the color, look at the shape and analyze the style of your chosen bicycle. Next, they focus on exploring your feelings about any past experiences with this or other bicycles. Why you have chosen this particular bicycle? Has it tossed you off in the past? If so, then why do you continue with the relationship? All this is explored before you begin to learn how to ride the bicycle. When you are ready, they set you free.

The Co-Active Coach welcomes you with big open arms and encourages you to get on your bicycle. They run or ride alongside as you determine the best way for you to learn to ride your bicycle because you know yourself better than anyone else. The Co-Active Coach encourages and supports your learning during the experience, helping you work through your resistance, without providing any hands-on assistance. You get to take it at your own pace. They encourage you to “be” with the bicycle and enjoy the entire learning experience while helping you hold the vision of your becoming a skilled bicyclist. The Co-Active Coach continues this process until you are able to happily ride the bike all by yourself.

 Randy Fernandes, CPCC, ACC is a “Choice Leadership Coach” and owner of We All Make Choices Coaching. He works with executives, corporate management, and aspiring leaders to achieve their full leadership potential, who in turn, become leaders that empower others to do the same. Randy is reachable at weallmakechoices@yahoo.com or at http://randy-fernandes.blogspot.com/.

Ain’t Nothin but a Number: Moving Beyond Age in the World of Coaching

by Ellen Ercolini, CPCC

The first thing I noticed when I walked into my Fundamentals Class at CTI is that I was the youngest person in the room – by a solid amount.  At 26, I was noticeably younger than the rest of the 25 people in the room. This was my primary concern with signing up to go to what I affectionately called ‘Coaching School’.

Calling the admissions office two months before, my age was the only real concern I wanted to talk about. “Will people take me seriously as a young coach? Can I really do this?” Having gone through the CTI course curriculum, I can now hear how rife with self-doubt and sabotage these questions were. However, the practical side was if I was going to be investing in becoming a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, I needed to know it was possible to earn my investment back. I had not yet met or seen anyone my age coaching successfully, so I had some doubts.

Ellen Ercolini CPCC

Throughout our three-day Fundamentals class, I realized I was in fact not the youngest person in the room. I was thrilled to discover there was a 25-year-old sitting across the circle from me. It was nice not to be the youngest person in the room, a title that I’ve worn like a self-imposed albatross many times in my life. I have been so hyperaware of my age that it has limited my experiences and expectations of myself. It was also wonderful to realize that other young people were pursuing coaching as a career – here I was, sitting across from one of them!

My age insecurity started to color my coaching classes and I let my obsession with my age start to run the show. I quickly decided that I was only qualified to coach people my age or younger because older people would not take me seriously. My wonderful Co-Active class would not let that fly, and by the end of the three-day weekend, I had an understanding that I could use my skills with anyone, of any age!  In fact, due to some of my life experiences, I have a really strong connection with folks in their fifties.

By the end of my Certification, a year and a half after walking into that class, I am even more convinced that age ain’t nothin’ but a number. Yes, it was challenging to be 26 and declare myself a Life Coach – largely due to other people’s expectations of what a Life Coach should look like. With experience, I got stronger at explaining what I do, how I do it, and why it is powerful for all ages. And I’ve been told that it’s clear from my inspiring and contagious enthusiasm that this is the exact right path for me.

That’s why the recent piece in the Fashion and Style section of The New York Times made me sad. The article was completely colored by the authors expectation of what a Life Coach should look and act like. It felt really ageist towards young people and only seemed to make fun of the few young coaches profiled. It also did not examine the work it takes to build a successful coaching practice – which can be an uphill struggle when faced with such age and career prejudices. The answer to their headline question “Should a life coach have a life first?” is yes! In fact, the more aliveness the better.

My advice to fellow millennials who wants to pursue coaching as their primary source of income is to have:

1. Tenacity of spirit,
2. Commitment to your vision and purpose, and
3. Comfort explaining ‘what you do’ over and over again.

I have since met several other coaches under 30 and those are the biggest connecting factors to our success. We are all tenaciously committed to a big vision and our purpose in this world. We don’t keep it a secret.  When people hang out with us they notice, and when they coach with us their worlds are rocked. We are lighting the world on fire, and we are loving it.

Ellen Ercolini, CPCC, is a creative lifestyle strategist. Once called an energy tornado, she believes inspiration must be paired with action, that there is no such thing as ‘the norm’ and that should is a useless word.  She loves being an inspiration for others by living an unconventionally creative life. Ellen@thecreativegiraffe.com

Off on a Rare Rant

by Karen Kimsey-House, CEO & Co-founder, CTI

Okay, I’m going to do something that I rarely do in life and I’m going to do it fairly publicly here on the Transforum blog. I’m going to rant. Hopefully, it is a considered rant – a creative rather than reactive one. It’s my intention to be pointed and clear rather than vitriolic. Here goes. I’d love to hear what you think.

What is with some of the media here in the U.S.? Despite over 20 years of dedicated effort on the part of countless professionals and the ICF, some of the general media seem determined to misinterpret the coaching industry.

It’s about as formulaic as a Hollywood B movie. Some reporter finds an angle or something to support a particular point of view and does “research” looking for any information he or she can find to support that point of view.

So far, so good. Then the reporter writes a piece, citing specific data to support the chosen angle.  Witness the recent article in The New York Times by Spencer Morgan about life coaches getting younger and younger: “Should a Life Coach Have a Life First?”

The article is cleverly tongue-in-cheek and gently makes fun of those coaches under 35 for having the hubris to think that they have anything to offer because they haven’t had enough life experience. The article then goes on to offer a variety of different quotes all presented in the context of a well-researched article.

Except it isn’t. Morgan seems oblivious to (and not interested in) the distinction between coaching and mentoring. Or coaching and therapy, for that matter. The author also seems unaware that coaching is a billion dollar industry which literally spans the globe. For instance, he states that coaching seems to be catching on internationally as well and offers a quote from a coach training company in Victoria, BC, in support of this, seemingly unaware that coach training is being offered on every continent and in every major language in the world.

Oh, well. No harm. No foul. Just a little hack job in the “Fashion & Style” section of the Times.

Except that misinformation continues. A popular blog picked up the article and continues to elaborate with a post entitled “Quarter-Life Crisis Survivors Become Underqualified Life Coaches”. And the beat goes on.

I would hope that any writer worth his or her salt would take a specific point of view – otherwise articles become bland and boring. That said, I would also hope that any author’s point of view would be framed in a larger context and that anyone writing a piece for The New York Times would, well, take the time to make sure he or she had the full picture.

Oh, by the way, I’m delighted with the young faces that have begun dotting the landscape of CTI’s programs and the profession in general. Over the past several weeks, I’ve had the pleasure to train and work with several coaches in their 20s –  Zoe Wild, Eka Joti, Melanie Scott and Christin Myrick, to name a few. I’ve found these young people to be bright, articulate and very savvy. Certainly, they are far more sophisticated than I was at their age. I am pleased to have them in our profession and grateful to be a part of nourishing their enthusiasm and vision for a better world.