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Ain’t Nothin but a Number: Moving Beyond Age in the World of Coaching

by Ellen Ercolini, CPCC

The first thing I noticed when I walked into my Fundamentals Class at CTI is that I was the youngest person in the room – by a solid amount.  At 26, I was noticeably younger than the rest of the 25 people in the room. This was my primary concern with signing up to go to what I affectionately called ‘Coaching School’.

Calling the admissions office two months before, my age was the only real concern I wanted to talk about. “Will people take me seriously as a young coach? Can I really do this?” Having gone through the CTI course curriculum, I can now hear how rife with self-doubt and sabotage these questions were. However, the practical side was if I was going to be investing in becoming a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, I needed to know it was possible to earn my investment back. I had not yet met or seen anyone my age coaching successfully, so I had some doubts.

Ellen Ercolini CPCC

Throughout our three-day Fundamentals class, I realized I was in fact not the youngest person in the room. I was thrilled to discover there was a 25-year-old sitting across the circle from me. It was nice not to be the youngest person in the room, a title that I’ve worn like a self-imposed albatross many times in my life. I have been so hyperaware of my age that it has limited my experiences and expectations of myself. It was also wonderful to realize that other young people were pursuing coaching as a career – here I was, sitting across from one of them!

My age insecurity started to color my coaching classes and I let my obsession with my age start to run the show. I quickly decided that I was only qualified to coach people my age or younger because older people would not take me seriously. My wonderful Co-Active class would not let that fly, and by the end of the three-day weekend, I had an understanding that I could use my skills with anyone, of any age!  In fact, due to some of my life experiences, I have a really strong connection with folks in their fifties.

By the end of my Certification, a year and a half after walking into that class, I am even more convinced that age ain’t nothin’ but a number. Yes, it was challenging to be 26 and declare myself a Life Coach – largely due to other people’s expectations of what a Life Coach should look like. With experience, I got stronger at explaining what I do, how I do it, and why it is powerful for all ages. And I’ve been told that it’s clear from my inspiring and contagious enthusiasm that this is the exact right path for me.

That’s why the recent piece in the Fashion and Style section of The New York Times made me sad. The article was completely colored by the authors expectation of what a Life Coach should look and act like. It felt really ageist towards young people and only seemed to make fun of the few young coaches profiled. It also did not examine the work it takes to build a successful coaching practice – which can be an uphill struggle when faced with such age and career prejudices. The answer to their headline question “Should a life coach have a life first?” is yes! In fact, the more aliveness the better.

My advice to fellow millennials who wants to pursue coaching as their primary source of income is to have:

  1. Tenacity of spirit,
  2. Commitment to your vision and purpose, and
  3. Comfort explaining ‘what you do’ over and over again.

I have since met several other coaches under 30 and those are the biggest connecting factors to our success. We are all tenaciously committed to a big vision and our purpose in this world. We don’t keep it a secret.  When people hang out with us they notice, and when they coach with us their worlds are rocked. We are lighting the world on fire, and we are loving it.

Ellen Ercolini, CPCC, is a creative lifestyle strategist. Once called an energy tornado, she believes inspiration must be paired with action, that there is no such thing as ‘the norm’ and that should is a useless word.  She loves being an inspiration for others by living an unconventionally creative life. Ellen@thecreativegiraffe.com

  • Monica Garcia

    Ellen,
    Thank you for showing up for all the "young coaches" and good for your courage to believe in what you feel it is right for you.Coaching is certainly not about age, neither profession or gender. Although it is true that some people want to know that their coaches have some kind of life experience that make them worth the tittle... those people usually have the believe that: "more years, more experience". What they don't realized is that we only gain experience when we chose to try, and to take risks. And you are doing both things... any client should be honor to work with a coach who knows clearly what she wants and is going for it!!!... and you are one of those coaches!!

  • Thank you Monica!  It's all so true, these ideas of age, experience and gender generally say more about the other person than us, and their openness to take risks and try.  I appreciate your acknowledgement, it made me smile :-)  I hope you're well!   

  • Karen

    Hello Ellen:

    I've just returned from an 11 day retreat to find your blog on Transforum!  Thrilling!!!!  Thank you so much.  Your clear, wise and well articulated post so solidly makes the point that age is not the question.  Thank you.

    Much love,

    Karen

  • Thanks Karen!! I was on fire after reading that article and your response! I am honored to be part of your network, and look forward to carrying this banner for young coaches. 

  • Natalie Vartanian

    Ellen ... WELL SAID. I know I'm not technically a young coach since I don't fit the "under 30" profile however I relate. I mean technically I DID start coaching when I was 29 and had a couple of people in their 40s and 50s in my group, so I get it! I agree with the sending a letter to the editor on that article if you felt so strongly about it. Make your voice heard woman! And thanks for leading the discussion around this topic. xoxo

  • Gracias Natalie! Age ain't nothin' but a number - it can be how old people *think* you are, and you my dear, give the clear impression of being an exuberant mid-twenties gal.  This is such an important conversation to be starting, leading, participating in - I will definitely be sending this to the NYT. 

  • Somehow, I'm only 8 months away from turning 50, an occasional a source of merry surprise to me. The gap between when I was Ellen's age and now, is largely full of joyful mistakes and happy achievements of the kind that I believe everybody has to make for themselves.

    If I wanted to be a mentor, and was lucky enough to work with people treading the same (or perhaps exactly...) the path that I took, then those 23.5 years might help I suppose. But I don't. I love coaching because it helps me help others to tread their own paths and not be me, but be their own magnificent selves. You definitely don't need to be nearly 50 to do that.

    I suspect that article was some kind of fear-based response, so we should have compassion for its author. It's a natural response to want to protect people and hopefully the author will at some point look inward at their own hurts to see where that urge comes from and grow beyond it.

    In the meantime, I believe that those of us with more years should help create the space for younger people to flower, not because we know better, but because the accumulation of years often comes with an accumulation of all kinds of resources. Merely criticising younger people for being young creates a poorer future for us all.

    Great article Ellen, thank you.

  • So eloquently said, thank you Nick.  

  • Awesome response to the NYT article Ellen, did you send a letter to the editor? You should!

  • Ellen

    No, I didn't Mary, but I totally should! Investigating that now.  Gracias!

  • Careybl

    Ellen, thank you for writing this piece.  What I love so much about this and the discussion I hope it creates is that age is just a story that gets in the way of our energetic existence, the sparkle of one's spirit and the deep and intimate connection two people can have.  What's created in the world when we can see past age (and any other class, sect, segment you can think of) is so much more significant then the question itself.  

  • YES.  So true Carey.  Age, and judgement around it, can totally be a story, perhaps used to not take risks and do the work?  I am thrilled to be in the company of such sparkly beings, regardless of how many years we've been alive!

  • Yeay thanks for this article,
    it beautifully underlines what I have experienced. After an
    age-saboteur ridden cry for help in the Co-Active Network, a bunch of
    other young coaches under 30 responded and we have formed a support
    group, where age-saboteurs really have no chance. We now count 12 amazing
    individuals who truly spread enthusiam, creativity and aliveness. 
    It would be great to gt in touch, Ellen! And anyone interested to join the group, please get in touch!

  • I'm looking forward to being in touch as well! 

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