Teargas transformations

by Bushra Winter, CPCC

Today I am sitting in a cafe on a street which, exactly one year ago, was lined with tanks. As most people know, life in the Middle East over the last year has been volatile. And as an expatriate living on a tiny island in the Gulf I now have experienced this firsthand.

I am half English, half American, and have a very international background; I have seen enough in my life to believe that not much could faze me. I am a deeply passionate, vibrant, loving, optimistic, spiritual, practical, people- and beauty-loving woman. I have a huge belief in the innate goodness of humanity and the Universe. That said, all of those beliefs and the very fiber of my being was challenged over the past year. As I write this, I feel the tears welling up behind my eyes.

As a Co-Active life coach, I know all about the hard-to-be-with places, emotions, situations and perspectives that show up in my client’s lives. What CTI calls “Process” is a fundamentally important and valuable part of the Co-Active Model. When we name and stay fully present to what is showing up in this moment with our client, and in their lives, our clients are able to move through and out the other side of sticky situations and emotions, allowing them to move on to a new place of learning and action. Process also shows up importantly in the idea that we fully and wholeheartedly trust our client’s life and learning process. We are only a part of it, and it started before us, and will continue after their work with us is done. All that said, it was not until I spent the last year deep in my own personal process that I truly understood its world-altering power.

You have probably heard it referred to as the Arab Spring, which, for many people, will be an idea of something that is happening far away. But for me, it was right outside my house. One day normal, next day there were army helicopters hovering overhead, shouting, shooting, and teargas everywhere. Our children were stuck in the house, and we spent most of our hours following twitter and Facebook trying to find out what was happening right outside on our doorstep. This meant also having to open our ears, eyes and hearts to the ugliness, fear, anger and separation transforming many of the people around us.

It was as if darkness rolled over this beautiful island and enveloped people’s hearts, words, and actions like the clouds of teargas that filled the street. I felt a huge loss of belief in humanity and the true nature of people. For me personally, this was like losing the belief that the sun would come up in the morning and took me very far from my natural state and core values. It threw me deep into a state of “Process”.

As destiny would have it after more than six years of coaching, I happened to be in the completion stages of the CTI Certification program at this time. I had every reason in the world to cancel my clients and even get extensions on my certification work. But every time I stepped into the coaching space of unlimited possibility and freedom from circumstances with my clients, it was like a life-saving injection for me.

There were many times when I could not rely on my naturally optimistic and joyful default. This was something I had to simply accept and be with, which left me holding onto the Co-Active Model for dear life. I had to rely on the universal truths that the model was built on in order to be 100% with my clients. This I see was an immense gift and truly transformed my coaching: Less of me and way more of my client in the coaching sessions!  

I remember sitting with one client who is a local and was personally impacted by the political situation, and things like checkpoints, wide-spread arrests and martial law. She was feeling trapped, terrified and was truly facing outer restriction, a situation which could only be experienced in the moment as hopeless.

Bushra Winter

To me this was the ultimate test of the Co-Active Model. It is one thing to tell a wealthy person in a conflict-free society that anything is possible and help them be “at choice”. But it was in this real place of pain, loss and fear that I saw my client take charge of the only thing she had in her power to choose — her perspective and who she was in the face of her challenges. She chose to use the outer restriction as a time to plan and grow herself. These choices and the “Process” work we did together supported her through the time of pain and loss and led to amazing changes in her career and life, which in that moment of hopelessness, seemed completely impossible.

My own personal process took an upturn when I realized that I was angry at the darkness for being Dark. I smile when I think of the simplicity of this realization because I know in my brain that we need darkness to be able perceive light and that darkness is only the absence of light. This simple awareness led me to the idea of the night sky and how each star provides an invaluable service of shining, giving light and direction even in the darkest of nights. I realized that, as Co-Active coaches, our job is to support our clients in burning brighter and stronger. None of us can change the darkness, but we can all turn up our light.

Bushra Winter comes from a large family of health, personal and community development professionals. Her core belief is that people don’t need to change but be themselves more skillfully. She is passionate about experiential learning and training, and specializes in training clients to use coaching skills to impact their profession, audience, relationships and communities as a whole. She may be reached at http://facebook.com/myimpactcoaching or  myimpactcoach@yahoo.com.